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    Weather jokes

    Weather jokes and funny weather quotes

    Every line here comes from the roast library behind Weather With Attitude, the weather app that says what it thinks of the sky. These are the clean ones, from the Wuss setting. Each one has a share button.

    Hot weather jokes

    For the days when the air feels like soup and the pavement could cook breakfast.

    • Sticky. Lovely.
    • The air's basically soup.
    • Muggy, and unrepentant.
    • Damp without the rain to blame.
    • Clammy's the word.
    • Close, in the worst way.
    • Hot. Try to enjoy it.
    • Warm enough to moan about.
    • Proper warm, for once.

    Cold weather jokes

    For frosty mornings, numb fingers and the radiator’s finest hour.

    • Cold. Proper coat weather.
    • Nippy out, obviously.
    • Cold enough to notice.
    • Cold enough to see your breath, for free.
    • The kind of cold that gets into your teeth.
    • Brisk, if we're being generous.
    • The radiator's big moment.
    • Chilly. The sun's just for show.
    • Fresh, the way a fridge is fresh.

    Rain jokes

    For drizzle, downpours and everything soggy in between.

    • Wet. Who could've guessed.
    • Coat weather, or be brave.
    • The sky's leaking again.
    • Riveting weather, this.
    • Damp, with a side of damp.
    • Nature's power shower.
    • Not quite rain, not quite not.
    • Spitting. Charming.
    • Can't commit to proper rain.
    • The sky's mumbling.

    Snow jokes

    For snow that is magical for an hour and slush for a week.

    • Pretty now, slush by noon.
    • Snow. Cute for an hour.
    • Cold, and showing off.
    • Winter's doing its bit.
    • Wrapping-up weather, obviously.
    • Lovely until you leave the house.
    • Snow. Every car's wearing a hat.
    • The world's gone quiet and white.
    • Slippery, and very pleased with itself.

    Wind jokes

    For the days the weather tries to take your umbrella home with it.

    • Hat-holding weather, then.
    • Breezy. Aggressively so.
    • The wind's got opinions.
    • Blustery, if we're being polite.
    • Good luck with an umbrella.
    • The air's in a mood.
    • Umbrellas don't stand a chance.
    • The trees are doing interpretive dance.
    • Bin day, but the bins have other plans.

    Jokes about your own weather

    The app picks a line for the weather where you are, every day. It can stay this clean, or you can turn it up until it swears. Severe weather such as tornadoes and blizzards is always shown plainly, with no joke attached.

    Get a joke about your weatherOr get it on Google Play.

    Prefer words to weather? Words With Attitude is the daily word game from the same app.